ORIGINALLY POSTED ON THE NING SITE ON MAY 1, 2009 (I’m moving old posts from that site, which is closing down, to my WordPress blog):
Ya know that resistance I wrote about in my most recent blog? I’m beginning to wonder if I misinterpreted it. I saw all of the overpowering circumstances that were keeping me from working out as my own resistance to exercising, or getting in shape, or … something! I’ve been pondering, meditating, journaling, etc., and I think what’s actually happening is more of a “hitting bottom” kind of thing.
In the days that followed that post, life got even worse. My emotional state was in turmoil and I spent a lot of time being furious with myself and “the Universe” for bringing the vertigo back into my life. I was mad as hell that what I thought was behind me, what I worked so hard to release, was still sticking to me like a slimy coating that wouldn’t wash off.
As I frantically tried to figure out what was going on, I mentally sifted through the events of the past month and was able to see that the pattern wasn’t pointing to me being blocked, it actually feels more like I’m being pulled back as far as I can be, like a slingshot about to be released. It seems to be more a case of not being “ready” yet to begin rebuilding because the old rubble hasn’t been removed yet.
My frustration lay in the fact that I’m now paying for a membership at Curves that I’m not using. I was afraid that I was allowing these circumstances to become my new set of excuses to not go. But I think I’m on to something here. It feels right. I will continue to keep my eye on the prize, making this my goal. I was overshooting my target. I thought the target was a toned body (it is, but that’s further away than I can reach with this slingshot) but in actuality, my first target to hit is a regular, habitual exercise practice.