Where or whom are your blocks?

ORIGINALLY POSTED ON THE NING SITE ON MAY 20, 2009 (I’m moving old posts from that site, which is closing down, to my WordPress blog):

I watched an incredible video yesterday with ethnobotanist Wade Davis (from the National Geographic Society), discussing how incredibly varied and valid cultures all over the world are. He discussed their belief systems and how they work for these people.

The video reminded me of all the research and study I’ve done over the years to learn as much about body/mind/spirit, metaphysics, spirituality, quantum physics, etc. that I could possibly soak up. I know that what I have learned is true (at least, as far as I … a human being … can comprehend). And yet I still allow the opinions of those who shaped me during my formative years steer my boat.

While watching Wade Davis explaining how these unusual belief systems worked for various indigenous peoples, I could completely comprehend what he was saying. But I also heard the voice of my father (a Republican, Rush Limbaugh ditto-head) and my elder brother (an atheist, linear-thinking-engineer and Mensa member) scoffing at the tools I use to create my own life.

Talk about being energetically castrated!

My dad and my brother don’t actually say these things to me (although they probably would if we actually conversed about them … not to belittle me, but because they enjoy a good debate), but that doesn’t stop me from hearing their voices when I think about the things I know to be true, like how to Shape Shift. I know, at the depths of my soul, how to do this. I KNOW how to maneuver my energy field to create a different future. I KNOW that I am the one steering my boat into calm or chaotic waters. And yet I allow their voices to run me into icebergs, time and time again.

Why? Because I love and respect them, and want their love and respect in return. I don’t enjoy being made fun of, especially by the people who helped me to become who I am. Yet even at the age of 48, I prevent myself from being who I fully am for fear of being ridiculed. In fact, I don’t even feel comfortable posting Shape Shifting notices on my Facebook page, because my family will see them and I can feel their disapproval through cyberspace.

What’s it going to take for me to finally stand in my power? When will it finally sink in that I might know something they don’t? After all, I’m the one who’s spent her life in pursuit of this specific knowledge, not them. Why do I allow their opinions (and they are just that … OPINIONS) to derail me in my personal creative efforts?

Is it because they are men and I’m “just a girl?” Is it because they are older? Or is it because, when challenged, I suddenly go blank in the head and can’t think of an intelligent way to respond to their demands for proof? Is it because this stuff cannot be easily scientifically proven yet?

Whatever it is, I know that what I’m doing works for me. And that’s all that matters, isn’t it?

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