I haven’t written anything for a while, because I’ve been tumbling down the rabbit hole. I don’t know if I’m now climbing back out, or if I’ve just landed in a place that looks very like the old world (but has a different set of rules). Either way, I think I’m done free falling and I’m able to finally dust myself off and take a look around.
It’s a long, involved and strange story how I got here, and I’m not sure how much of it I want to tell. So let me just say this, for now: as a result of a very painful event, my career—as I knew it—is over. I’ve spent the past eight years or so being a very specific person, doing very specific things, with a very specific goal. That has been ripped away and now I’m left, shaken and dazed, trying to figure out who I am without all of that.
I’m using dramatic language to describe how I feel, but I want it clear that I don’t intend to convey self-pity. Not that there hasn’t been any of that—after all, I’m only human—but I’m not feeling self-pity when I describe how monumentally I’ve shifted. I’ve taken a quantum leap and am feeling every bit of it. I’m still a little shaky, getting my sea legs.
One interesting thing that I’m noticing is that it’s now very easy to live in the present moment. What else do I have to do? I used to spend all of my waking consciousness on that old persona, the one that has been ripped away. So now what do I do? I might as well just sit in the Isness of the moment. And since I’m here, I might as well deeply and consciously experience it.
It’s taken me a long time to blog about this, because I realize now that there is no one out there reading this, aside from a handful of good friends who hear all about this on the phone or through email, so why bother writing? I’ve mostly been just living each day as it comes. I’ve deactivated my Facebook page and may dismantle my website(s). I still haven’t decided what to do with all that … haven’t given it much thought. In the meantime, Jeff and I have decided to take our own road trip, sort of an Epiphany Quest 2. That’s what I’m spending my time working on.
We’re going to take a similar trip to the one Vicci and I made, but we’ll travel the eastern side of the country. Plus, we’re going to camp and we’re taking the bike with us. The trip will be exactly the same, only completely different.
Our focus isn’t going to be the destinations on our route as much as it will be the journey itself. We do have some specific places we intend to visit but, for the most part, we’re going to take our time and just drive a few hours each day. We’re going to pay attention to what the little towns have to offer: what’s the best meal in town? what landmarks are there? what kind of work do the people do?
We’ll probably be taking off in mid August. We have a lot of stuff to take care of and arrange. When you leave your house for that long, you have to find people to take care of it in your absence. When you go on such a long camping trip, you have a lot of careful packing and planning to do. And when the route is so long and detailed, you have to be grateful for your AAA membership.
I’ll keep all four of you posted on our progress and the trip, as the story unfolds!