An older woman’s rage

(NOTE: TODAY’S BLOG IS A VERY ANGRY RANT. HARSH LANGUAGE LIES AHEAD.)  Oh, I wish I had not seen this news story, about waitresses at Resorts Casino who were fired because they are too “old and unattractive” to wear the skimpy new uniforms.

I know I get worked up by these things, that it’s one of my personal issues that not everyone agrees with. Therefore, I’ve learned to just look elsewhere, because I’m powerless to stop the rest of the world from doing what it wants to do. In fact, it’s not even my place to deprive someone else of their karmic storylines. In that way, I get it. We all learn from experience, and this is the experience they are choosing. So I try to ignore it. But I cannot ignore this one. There must be women who share my views or this wouldn’t be a news story.

There’s an insidious Beast running a segment of our society, a beast that feeds on the bodies, minds and spirits of our young women. This Beast tells them that they are valued primarily for their beauty and their sexuality. It tells them that they should give their bodies up freely to any man who wants it, or he’ll just find someone else who will. It convinces them that they should lift their shirts in exchange for beads or a shot of booze during spring break, and never mind the video camera or drooling cameraman. It persuades them that the voices of older women who try to tell them to STOP feeding the Beast are just old and envious because no one wants to look at them anymore.

This Beast tells them that they should wear almost nothing while selling cocktails or wear tight t-shirts to sell burgers. It tells them that they should dance on poles and have anal sex, even if they don’t want to, because all the porno girls are doing it. It convinces them that this is the way to get rich and famous. And it believes that it can have its cake and eat it too.

Unfortunately, it’s right: the girls are its cake and they are being devoured. There are countless young women out there right now who are degrading themselves in this way, who have been taught to believe that people who think like me are full of crap and just jealous.

The result? Second graders having oral sex in the back of a California classroom. Channels that used to be geared toward children now showing bitchy, slutty girls competing for boys’ attention. Neighbor girls showing my granddaughter how Girls Gone Wild act, because they see it on TV, and teaching her that this is what big girls do.

Maybe the reason this really has my ass chapped today is because I’m writing a book with a woman whose father started raping her when she was four. I’ve been trying to get into the headspace of what that must have been like for her, and it’s a horrible place to be. I see little girls at the grocery store, and wonder how long they’ll get to keep their precious innocence. I saw an adorable little girl today wearing fairy wings, holding her daddy’s hand, and wondered how long it would be before the Beast brutally nails her because it detests her glittering girlyness.* But, hey, that’s what girls are for, right?

That’s the Beast, right there. It hates girls and teaches girls to hate themselves; it hates what girls can become (mature women who don’t tolerate that nonsense) if they’re not crushed by the weight of such extreme pressure. I was going to say “sexual pressure,” but this isn’t sex. Sex, to me, is fun and mutually enjoyable. This garbage isn’t sex, nor is it sexuality. It’s stealing the souls of half of our population and I’m pissed.

So yeah, young cocktail waitresses at the Resorts Casino, go ahead and wear the skimpy uniforms and triumphantly push aside the older waitresses who trained you to do the job and then got fired because they don’t “look good” in the bits of fabric they’ve been given. Go ahead and be flattered by the attention you’re getting because you do look “good” in them. Go ahead and feed that Beast. I just hope you survive with a little bit of dignity intact when they’re through with you. And when you’re done, we “old and ugly” elder women will be here to help you reconnect with your soul.


* Just to make this clear, because that line really infuriated a male reader, I wasn’t talking about the DAD abusing the daughter, I was talking about the allegorical “Beast” that I’m writing about in this blog.

And, just for the record, I’m not even talking about men in this post, because women participate, too. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be an issue. “The Beast” in this post is the societal pressure that feels, to many women, like it says: “Every female must be a sexpot or they are unworthy of existence.”

41 responses to “An older woman’s rage

  1. Kathy Johnson

    YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!! Thank you for saying this!

  2. You said it! Loud & Clear & Truthfully.
    It’s good to speak out….call it what it is…disgusting.

  3. I appreciate you taking the time to write this. I’m currently unemployed and seriously having to question my morals and values in face of the need to survive. I’m not willing to sell my body for anything; none of us should have to.

  4. Exquisitely expressed! This is about parasitic power mongering and preying on innocence that has become the enemy to the beast who either lost that innocence so young they don’t remember it, or never had it in the first place.

    Thank you for putting this so clearly.

    My innocence was stolen at age 4 by a step brother. It took a long time to even begin to re-establish that innocence. I can’t imagine what it’s like as a teen and young adult being valued only for my looks, it has to be intoxicating and scary at the same time. But I do know stolen innocence and that is a damned hard road to travel.

  5. well just wait until they are the girls who get thyroid issues making them gain weight or have a bunch of kids and lose their body therefore losing their identities. they will have to look in the faces of the girls whose attitudes they shaped. reasons that we should cooperate vs. compete seem to be surfacing in some ugly ways. unfortunately it’s taking that to wake anyone up.

  6. THANK YOU!!!!! I am constantly resisting and condeming the “Beast” and am often labeled a bitch for holding the men in my life to a higher standard. I have three daughters and a son, two of my girls suffered through eating disorders in thier late teens and early twenties. These beautiful girls felt imperfect, because the media has brainwashed our youth, after much counseling they have recovered. My son has been taught to respect women, that they are his equal. I’m sure having three sisters helps…lol

    I started to cry while reading about your friend. I was 7 when I was molested by an uncle who was 16 ,it continued for four years till I was 11 and he was 20. I confided in my family in my early 20’s and my family continues to protect him even though there have been incidents with other family members.

    Men would never tolerate living in a world that is sexually hostile towards them as we have to, Look at the lawsuit being brought against Yale, and these are supposed to be our brightest? How would men feel if every time they turned on the Tv there was a half naked twenty year old guy….. Almost every movie had gratuitous male nudity….. there were males in G strings at womens sport events (just in case we get bored)…We had a restaurant called “Balls and Sacks”(with well endowed twenty year old studs in g- strings) and we had” Live” naked men in almost every town that are willing to dance naked for their wife….Think they would be feeling insecure ? How about thier wife wants to go with them to a casino and they have to sit there while a bunch of half naked twenty somethings are walking around with their tight abs serving her drinks, would that maybe ruin their night?

    I believe we as women can change this, with the courage to speak out and not fear the repercussions. I’m ready for a revolution.

    Here are some great links to check out

    ttp://www.youtube.com/user/MuggleSam#p/u/8/fULtU2NfPQA

    Sorry about the rant…
    Thank you for a great post

  7. Angry? Yes. Warranted? Yes, yes, yes. I have a daughter who’s going to be 14 this summer and she is as yet blessedly untouched by male slimeballs. Nothing in the world would make me harm a hair on any head except for pain inflicted on my little girl by some greasy, horny bastard. He had better expect to live the rest of his sorry life without his balls because I will cut them off.

  8. I reposted this link in my Facebook page to others in my field which is Massage Therapy. Imagine what this mind set is doing to young women in our profession who are running up against this in their work directly every day. If we don’ t start mentoring young people we are responsible for perpetuating this crap too. So I said to my colleagues in the field waving angry fingers at young women. We have to take this on, it’s critical. Keep it up and keep putting this message out there!

  9. I am LOVING all of your responses! I seriously started to think that I’m the only one who is bothered by this, because if I ever said anything out loud, people would stare at me blankly like I’m some kind of raving loon, barking at trees and tilting at windmills.

    Anitamarie, I LOLed at your scenarios, where men were in our shoes. And Robin, I saw a letter on Dear Abby recently from a young massage therapist who wanted advice on how to respond to people who assumed that she gives “happy endings” when they hear what she does for a living. Grrrr!

  10. Sarah Magsamen

    Lisa, very well put my friend! Another facet of this scenario is of course, money! The evil marketing machine, where the ‘beast’ is truly in his element. Whenever I see a sexist ad, video or show I often think about the enthusiastic ad executives, who sit around a table discussing how to literally use women as marketing tools. Unfortunately some of those execs are women, which pisses me off even more, I see it around me every day, money taking priority over pride and compassion, its a sad thing.

    • Sarah, I totally agree. It really stuns me to know that women work on the staff of Playboy. And the guy who owns GoDaddy makes no secret about being a shmuck who deliberately uses “sexy” (a relative term) commercials, just to make people mad.

  11. I have something to say.

    THE GENDERS ARE WIRED DIFFERENTLY.

    As a regular straight dude, I like hot chicks.
    However, as a husband and father, I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND where you’re coming from in your rant.

    You wanna change something? Forget the rants. Let’s get proactive. We need to develop a way to genetically alter human brains, so that we STOP thinking this way. Start by reducing male libido, for one.

    Or how about other ways… make it a CRIME to be a “hoochie mama”. Make a crime to wear short skirts or get boob jobs (“why are you trying to expose yourself or get attention?”). Implore your state representative to make it illegal to do ANYTHING that plays into the over-sexed, hateful things that men do to/against women. Make cat-calls a misdemeanor, punishable by a few days in jail. Make rape – and I mean RAPE, not fake accusations or “we had sex but I didn’t like him/her” – a crime punishable by instant Death by castration and Hanging. Make rap videos – those that glamorize loose hot women, drugs, and money – ILLEGAL. FORCE scientists to develop contraceptives for MEN. Encourage/induce homosexuality, so that the genders can just stop bothering each other (or at least bother each other at a reduced rate).

    Until we can take such measures – extreme but necessary – we’re just rats running around in a cage. HUMAN NATURE Is What It Is, and until we’re willing to tinker with our biology – or drop a nuke and START OVER – there’ll ALWAYS be a solid demand for half-naked young women parading all over the place.

    I’m sorry.

    Listen, Lisa, I too, long for a wonderful world where my little daughter can grow up without being bombarded by stereotypes of slutty girls and lecherous men. It’ll definitely make MY life a whole lot easier not having to fight the media and peers.

    So when you create/find THAT world, Lisa, email me. We’ll happily join you.

    • Hi Rock. Yes, men are wired differently than women to a point. The female form is quite a bit more attractive than the male form to both sexes. Strippers, dancers, models, famous people and porn stars- or anyone else selling their appearance and actions- have to constantly battle with infatuations inside and outside of work, in some cases having to involve the law or personal body guards. Because of the nature of their work and the fact that body’s age, they know their time is limited in certain professions.

      These women worked at Resorts Casino- not a strip club, not Hooters, not a cat house. They were cocktail waitresses- the essential function of their jobs was to provide customer service, take and fulfill orders. They had the job, had been doing it for years in some cases and then were canned because the preferences of the employer changed with the arrival of new uniforms. They were told to pack their bags and find a new livelihood because of their appearance which is not an essential function of the job.

      Appearance does count for attraction and varies from person to person- an obvious statement proved by the wide variety of fetishes in the Adult Industry. I’d much rather see a healthy and nubile stripper on a pole or a 20-something rocking body in the rap videos I watch than a middle-aged and overweight person.

      There are instances where I prefer the classic edition more than the sleek and new model. For example, when watching a movie I’m more concerned with how the story is told by the actors based both on appearance and acting skill. Very often I wish that Steven Tyler didn’t have a fish face but this observation does not prevent me from purchasing and listening to his music.

      Simply because I want and desire something does not mean I’ll get it; it’s a fact of life most of us learn as children. Pedophiles, rapists, murderers and thieves can all claim their crimes are part of their nature or opportunity presented itself. Does this mean we should allow them to continue making victims? No, in fact we enact laws that punish and attempt to prevent this from occurring. Sexual harassment in the workplace should not be encouraged from employers, co-workers or customers.

      Humans are capable of more than our natural inclinations; simply because we feel something is within our nature does not mean we need to do it. We can achieve higher thinking, move beyond appearances to find out what lies below the surface.

      Rock, how would you feel if you were canned tomorrow because of your eye or hair color, or how well your junk appeared in the new speedo uniform? It’s the same principle; we are looking at the outside view instead of looking at the a well done job. Attractiveness should be kept on a personal level and will always be used in entertainment. However, attraction is a fickle thing, varies from person to person and does not belong in a work environment unless it is a job aimed at selling your body.

  12. Hi Rock,

    Thanks for joining in and sharing your views. I disagree with a lot of what you say, but most of it has very little to do with the point of this blog, so let’s just agree to disagree. 😉

    My point is that just because men “demand half-naked young women parading all over the place” doesn’t mean they should get them. Ya know? Maybe they should be a little more deserving of that grace that is given them, and stop acting entitled to it. (I’m trying to say this with a smile in my voice. Great misunderstandings can be made in a text-0nly forum, but I think that a dad like you will get what I’m saying.)

    I’m also speaking to the women who give it away so easily. I don’t even mean that in a “why marry the cow when you get the milk for free” kind of way. I mean that the women who feed the “Beast” need to show a little more self-respect, and maybe then men will respect them more. The women who play along are just as responsible for this as the men. This isn’t a gender issue as much as it is just being nice to each other and playing fair.

  13. Mary Daly had some great things to say about this phenomenon.

    As for the male commenter who claims “THE GENDERS ARE WIRED DIFFERENTLY”…. well, yes and no. I don’t think anything about our biology requires us to organize our culture around the desires of men.

    We were making a lot of progress toward gender equality for a while, but then the backlash came.

    • http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/16187129/ns/today-today_health/

      Research by respected FEMALE scientists. Hit up google, you will find many articles and even research papers.

      “I don’t think anything about our biology requires us to organize our culture around the desires of men.”

      I disagree. The Male of our species is [generally] bigger, stronger, and the protector. That’s the way it was since caveman days, and that hasn’t changed MUCH. It HAS changed a bit, but again, not MUCH. At the end of the day, women still INSTINCTIVELY – deep down inside – want a protector.

      Yes, feel free to hurl insults my way that’s fine. But please do your research and talk to your friends: “Do you guys REALLY want men and women to be TRULY equal”?

      And no, we don’t HAVE to organize our culture around the desires of men. I agree with you on that. We don’t HAVE to. BUT that’s the way it’s turned out, over thousands of years. That’s where CHANGE comes in, right?

      See, change takes time. It takes effort. It takes voices like yours (and to some degree, mine) to sow the seeds and help them germinate. It takes voices of like yours to tell OTHER WOMEN to stop empowering IDIOT MEN… tell them to STOP tolerating or rewarding BAD BEHAVIOR from men. THAT is true empowerment. It takes even more voices to tell OTHER MEN to stop being sexist assholes.

      And if they – both male or female – don’t agree with your point of view, MAKE them stop, by force or coercion if necessary. That’s the ONLY real way to squash the sexism in this society and and get back on the path towards some semblance of [what we call] gender equality.

      Until then, we’re just voices in the wind.

      • How does the supposed female desire for a protector (which I don’t even want to get into) require us to organize our culture around the desires of men? (Great point, BTW, HR.)

        How are men protecting women by insisting that they look a certain way, no matter their age or genetics, in order to be valued?

      • Change happens in the face of “this is just The Way Things Are.” Simply because this is how my grandfather’s grandfather did it doesn’t mean I have to continue doing it that way. If bias of instinctual nature were allowed to determine regulations of employment and society, there would be many generations that didn’t make it to the next. We would probably still be dwelling in caves revolving around our basic animal-instincts and hormones. It would be a very aggressive and violent world where survival is king, regardless of what is done to get it. Children would be expendable because adults can more easily defend themselves and can create more children- hopefully. The sick, disabled and elderly would be left for the wolves.

        You’ve said it yourself; we are wired differently and therefore have a few different needs. Simply because a man thinks a woman cannot do something doesn’t mean she is incapable. I didn’t have anyone else to do things for me, so I learned basic plumbing, auto-mechanics and other skills for my personal survival. Women used to be raised to be stay at home wives and mothers; it was the old maids or strange that sought work.

        Gender equality is not about a female being able to do the same as men physically; it’s about being allowed equal opportunity to perform within our abilities. It’s about being paid an equal amount as a man for the same job type. It’s about being able to make choices for our personal well-being and safety instead of having to rely on a man for protection and direction. Last I knew a man couldn’t carry a child. It’s also been proven that women are more detail oriented so they perform better at technical jobs than some men. So yes, you are correct; there will never be equality across the genders.

        Around the Great Depression and World War II, women went from taking care of the family and home to working outside the home in addition to taking care of the original duties. Our current economy and average incomes don’t seem to promote anyone to stay at home and be protected- most of us need to work unless we’ve got a stash of cash to provide our living expenses or live off the social security or welfare systems.

        When was the last time a woman was allowed to fire 15 men because she was on her period and had a bad day? It wouldn’t happen and if it did, I’m certain there would be many different men’s voices bellowing at the injustice. It’s in our nature to think, ponder and discuss.

        I also happen to like Hulk Hogan very much, even though he’s past his wrestling prime. He was lucky enough to maintain a wrestling career and sell himself well; now he’s older and probably worn out from the physical demands of his chosen profession, so he busies himself doing other ventures. It’s wonderful that he was able to make himself so successful by his chosen professions and, no doubt, investments.

        Societies form because people need each other for survival and convenience. If we do not hold ourselves and others in positions of power accountable for our actions, nothing will ever change or get better. If people do not talk about and discuss topics, there would be no resolution or agreement and those in power would never hear the voices from below. Just because things happen in our society doesn’t make them acceptable. Instead of arguing with each other we need to come to a common ground and work towards the desired changes.

  14. Stacy Tsurada

    Why all the rage? The cocktail waitresses in the video were WAY WAY past their prime. Its time for them to go and be Grandma’s and Great-Grandma’s. I’m 22 and I am an exotic entertainer in Vegas. I work at 3 strip clubs 2 as a dancer and one as a cocktail waitress. I pull in a lot of money each week. I don’t do drugs, drink, or gamble. Anyways thats what I think.

    • Uhm, THANK YOU STACY.

      Look (and I’m addressing all the other people who are angry about this issue)… I’m angry TOO! BUT this is just The Way Things Are.

      It’s no different from say, Professional Wrestling Entertainment… all the good gigs, good promos, good money, and “fun” stuff goes to the young men in their prime… all muscular, sexy and with lots of stamina. The older dudes past their prime? Bigger guts and flabby arms? Uh, Not so much.

      Let’s not fool ourselves… There is no such thing as “gender equality”… that’s a myth. The genders were NEVER meant to be equal in EVERYTHING. It’d make no sense! Think about it! If we were, then there’d be NO genders… we’d just be a gender-less race of sentients (probably fighting over SOMETHING else… that’s just how humans are).

      We all want EVERYONE to be given EQUAL opportunities, right? Well of course. But in reality there’s “desirable” and “not desirable”. It’s life. It’s NATURE. It’s aging. It HAPPENS. Under all the gloss, iPhones, fashion statements, “empowerment”, politicking, and legislation… underneath it all we’re all still MAMMALS driven by HORMONES and instinct. We all are born, procreate, and die… and in-between those things we try to be content and even happy.

      However, instead of flowing with Mother Nature, we’re a repressed a society in serious denial, and we’re dealing with this stuff all wrong.

      Sorry for the rant… make no mistake, I’m in FULL SUPPORT of all the female “rage” here… I’m just as anti-sexism as any other normal husband and father… but it really is IMPOTENT RAGE until we actually DO something about it. I’ll be first in line to cast my vote for any lawmaker who finds a way to SHUT DOWN the supply-and-demand cycle that causes this Vegas-waitress scenario (among others). And like I said before (and it’s worth repeating), I’m also 110% in support of dropping a few nukes across the world, and starting over with a new, less sexist, less biologically-driven breed of human.

      But till then, we have to deal with this situation the best we can: Education and Common sense.

    • @Stacy:

      … comes the echoing sounds from inside the Beast’s gaping maw …

  15. Again, Rock, this blog post isn’t about “equality,” per se. And again, I disagree with a lot of what you say, but I’ve stopped even arguing most of those points because I’ve learned that there is no changing of opinions, just raised blood pressure.

    This post is about the expectation that all women should be sexy all the time, and if they’re not, they fall off the radar screen into oblivion. They are no longer worthy of respect. Fifteen human beings lost their jobs, which they had performed very well for many years, because of a very shallow and, frankly, idiotic marketing decision. The casino said they handled it fairly. If it was so fair, then why do 15 people feel cheated?

    Again, this is not about gender equality. It’s about being decent human beings to each other. These women lost their livelihood, in a very difficult economy, because they don’t induce boners.

    • I guess my points fell on deaf ears.

      “…a very shallow and, frankly, idiotic marketing decision.”

      Businesses do it all the time, regardless of which gender gets the ax. They have shareholders who hold them accountable, so they have to maximize customer flow and profits. That’s the nature of their business, and they were just being responsible and fulfilling the letters of their contracts.

      “The casino said they handled it fairly. If it was so fair, then why do 15 people feel cheated?”

      Not just 15 people… I am sure the families of those 15 people also felt the sting. It hurts. However they’re not the only ones. THOUSANDS of people every day get let go because they are no longer qualified – depending on their area of industry – to bring in dollars to their company. That’s business.

      “Again, this is not about gender equality. It’s about being decent human beings to each other. These women lost their livelihood, in a very difficult economy, because they don’t induce boners.”

      There’s no arguing that. You’re absolutely correct.

      Yet, as a software developer the day my brain starts aging (I’m not the young buck I was in the Silicon Valley boom days) and I’m unable to write high-quality code and solve business problems quickly, is they day that businesses lose interest in hiring me.

      When my brother in-law’s new-found religious beliefs prevented him from firing on another human being in the line of duty, he got discharged from the US Marine Corp (2 years ago) despite many years as an excellent Field Medic.

      I don’t know what YOU do for a living, but the day you’re unable to “produce” for your employer, I am sure you might face a similar dilemma.

      Do you think these 15 women didn’t KNOW what they were getting into? Were they completely unaware that they were wearing boner-inducing skimpy clothes while waiting on customers? Did they think THAT ability would last forever? Come on, get real!! Let’s not insult your intelligence or theirs. The Smart Move would have been (a) Don’t take the job at all, or (b) Take the job, but as they get older, started learning some other trade/business with which to earn a living, in Vegas or elsewhere. That would have been the Smart Move. What happened to these women was deplorable, but they weren’t naive, just unprepared… let’s not sit here and whine that it’s “terribly unfair”.

      Life isn’t fair, and employers aren’t required to be “decent human beings”, it’s all about profits, commerce, and service. Whether its writing good software, shooting enemy combatants, or inducing boners in customers, we all have something to trade for something. And if one of those “exchanges of goods and services” equates to “sexism” then we seriously need to take it up with our legislators and geneticists.

      Only by killing BOTH sides of the supply-demand equation can Balance be realized.

      • Apparently the deaf ears are on both sides of the aisle.

        I get what you’re saying, but you’re looking at the world from a business perspective. I’m talking about the human perspective. I’m not talking about killing anyone, or dropping bombs on them, or whatever to create change. I’m trying to reach people’s HEARTS.

  16. Heck, even I got off track, with this discussion of equality. The true point of this blog is that the constant and brutal sexualization of the female form, no matter what its age, is causing incredible hostility and distress, and is spiraling out of control to the point where children are dressing like whores and capable adult women are fired from their jobs because their skin isn’t tight.

    This is not natural, this is not “just the way things are.” This is a diseased mindset that has veered very far from the center and a lot of people are being damaged by it. I’m not saying that people shouldn’t be sexually attracted to each other, and that the human body doesn’t have its seasons. What I’m trying to say is, let’s stop being hateful to those who don’t fit within that very narrow boundary of what today’s society considers sexually attractive. Because when (not if) it comes to your turn of being treated that way, you’re going to see how unjust it really is.

    • I read the story in full… it sounds like they were not let go because of their age or waning sexiness per-se, they were let go because they were no longer able to adequately perform their jobs to the maximum effect… sexiness being part of that. Their job isn’t limited to serving drinks… if it were, then anyone could and would do it. But I’m sure you knew that… you seem like a smart woman.

      It’s no different than a male bartender who’s let go because he has zero personality. If a bartender’s job was ONLY serving drinks and collecting money, well, a vending machine or robot would suffice.

      What happened was total discrimination and objectification, but these women – and men in similar situations – knew that when they took the jobs.

      I hate to agree with Rock (who makes good points but sounds like a borderline nutbag, LOL)… when we take jobs based on something transient like physical appearance, we need to have backup plans.

      Have a great day, keep up the good blogging!

  17. Okay, let’s start over. We’re getting off the point. I’m not talking about fair employment practices, although the lack thereof was the catalyst for this blog. What I’m railing against is the totally out-of-whack sexualization of the female form.

    Once again, let me reiterate that I’m happy that there is such a thing as sexual attraction. I’m not trying to change that. Yes, men have an innate urge to club women over the head and drag them around by the hair, and women allowed it because they needed a protector. But we’ve EVOLVED since then.

    Or so I thought. The Resort Casino waitress fiasco is just a symptom of how out of balance the power struggle between the sexes has become. The pendulum has swung, in my humble opinion, far enough into dysfunction that it’s time to stop pushing it in that direction and give it a rest.

    Looking “pretty” is a full time job. It is distracting otherwise productive women from things they could be doing instead. Too many women depend on their sexual attractiveness for a living, hence the overabundance of eating disorders and disastrous plastic surgery. (Most boob jobs look horrible without clothes on … the general public only sees successful ones. I’ve seen numerous plastic surgery disasters.)

    And I suppose that’s just the way it is, on some level, but it has spread into all age groups. Young girls and older women are also expected to fit into a sexual mold. Do the words “barely legal” or “cougar” mean anything to you?

  18. Those cocktail waitresses need to retire. I mean c’mon look at them they’re old and crinkley looking. Guys wanna see the sexy young hot chicks not saggy old bags.

  19. Excuse me LISBONICE why do you keep deleting my posts? What the f*ck can’t take a little criticism? Your probable frigid too!

  20. So Lisa say your running a casino food and beverage department. You got to do the hiring for cocktail waitresses. Tell me would you hire those ladies for positions as cocktails waitresses? Women in their late 50’s-60’s and even early 70’s serving your customers in the casino? Your customer base is mostly men from 24 to 45. Do you think they want to be served by Grannies in heels? Plus lets say they are 40 to 50 pounds over weight. We are talking high insurance costs to keep these old hags employed. Sometimes you just have to kick them to curb and hire young hot sexy chicks.

  21. Frank:
    a) I haven’t deleted any of your posts.
    b) Thank you for illustrating my point so brilliantly.

  22. Lisa

    This is what I take from the male peanut gallery here

    #1
    I refuse to even address Frank. Sounds like he has the same IQ as my toothbrush with equal amount of the scum

    #2
    Rock agrees with us… but still likes hot chicks…even though he is married and also has daughters…….Rock if you really care about your wife and daughter, which I am sure you do. You would be the exaample to your male peers. Men need to start being the voice for the women in thier lives. I was just reading the news headlines and it is nothing but violence against women.. Rapes …murders …incest…..this isn’t just an emotional war on women it is physical. The objectification of women desensitizes men,which contributes to the violence. When the message is always women are here for your sexual enjoyment…NO!!!!!!!! Loses it’s power. Rock you are a product of this enviroment too. This” We are wired different thing is a cop out”… That article you referenced said nothing except that women are more in tune with peoples feelings through facial expressions. Wired different…ha…. I have a much higher sex drive than my husband and ask him I am by no means a prude. I am a former model, I did commercial modeling for Macy’s and Boscov’s in my twenties and later got into the Pharmaceutical Validation Business. So I am not frigid or jealous. The only reason I mention the former is because as soon as a women gets pissed about this shit ….she is either jealous or frigid. Sorry Rock but this male playground that you feel is just the way it is….WILL affect your daughter.

    PS
    I have a degree in Allied Health and have seen chromosomes that is not an XY it is a X and an X missing a leg. This blog is making the chromosomal deletions obvious…..lol

    • This is interesting:

      “I am a former model, I did commercial modeling for Macy’s and Boscov’s in my twenties…”

      Now tell me, why did you do SUCH a thing, hmm? Did anyone hold a gun to your head and FORCE you to model your body for other peoples’ gratification? And more importantly, why did you do it in your twenties, as opposed to, say, your SIXTIES?

      See, that’s what I mean. How can we sit here and point fingers across the aisle, when women WILLINGLY do what they do and take certain jobs? How can the demand be squashed when the supply is THERE?

      I’m pro-feminism, but seriously, give me a break, anitamarie.

      Yes, all this will affect my daughter. That’s where being a good parent comes in. I’ll do my job to the best of my ability, to fight the “beast” that the original blog posting referred to.

      Life isn’t fair.

      All I’m saying is, the only REAL way to prevent all this nonsense from happening in the first place is… well… reference my other posts. It involves nukes and/or genetic modification on a global scale. I think it might be a good idea to simply eliminate one gender (or blend them into one, somehow). No separate sexes = no more sexism, problem solved.

      Unless you have any better ideas…?

  23. The following quote was wriiten by a very wise (real) MAN

    “Eroticism is beautiful, sensuous, liberating, joyful and religious.
    But pornography is the dark expression of that. It comes about when guilt, blame, secrecy, and judgement, overshadow the sensual experience.”

    By:
    Deepak Chopra, noted lecturer and
    author of numerous spiritual books

  24. Rock that is B*** S*** commercial modeling for Macy’s and Boscov”s is not exploiting women, they also use men children and babies. You just dont get it. I ‘m talking about women being raped murdered and incest and all you have to say is “see you did commercial modeling”. Rock how many men do you know that have been sexually abused? I was by an uncle and a friend of my mothers. The “Beast” contributes to the violence as I explained earlier. Fine don’t be part of the solution but please keep protecting your daughter from men just like you …”that cant help their behavior”

    I will leave this post with a final thought

    Even God created a draft before creating his final materpiece 😉

    Have a great day Rock

    • My condolences of your being abused.

      You still didn’t answer the question though: “Did anyone force you to model your body”? Instead, you’re deflecting by referring to their use of men, children, and babies. Don’t deflect.

      What I am HEARING from a lot of feminist websites/blogs, including THIS one, is on the ONE hand, we (women) want to bare our bodies for work (model, waitress, whatever), and on the OTHER hand, this VOLUNTARY sexual objectification of women is leading to sexual abuse.

      Well DUUUUHHHHHHHHH…?!!??!

      Well, WHAT exactly do you expect? In my previous posting I was merely pointing out, using your OWN example, that Action/Decision A (modeling, voluntary selling your looks) can and does lead to Consequence B (sexual objectification). Obviously abuse of any kind is terrible and bad, don’t get me wrong. No, Ifs or Buts about it.

      Yet, I fail to see how it’s “OK” to be a model (for work or whatever) but then get indignant and angry when Bad People – strangers who don’t know you as a person – see you as a sexual object ONLY.

      You’re trying to Have Your Cake and Eat It. Sweetheart, it doesn’t always work that way! Can you not SEE how such Mixed Messages CAN contribute to the breakdown in human respect that you – nay, WE – so deplore? At some point you’re gonna have to take a STAND… choose ONE side and STICK to it.

      That’s all I’m saying. Maybe I am getting my point across, maybe not… maybe this is one example where the genders are wired VERY differently in how we think.

      I personally plan to be part of the “solution” (which isn’t really a solution, if you think about it) by simply educating my kid about how to respect herself, and to do my best to ensure that she is smart and talented enough to support herself and future family WITHOUT relying on her sexuality, thus reducing/averting sexual objectification by anyone.

      I respect your belief in God’s work, but I feel that we’re just God’s cosmic practical joke. How can the genders of the SAME species be SOOO very different, that we’re locked in what is basically a passive-aggressive Civil War?

      No God of mine would play that kind of joke.

  25. Interesting debate you’ve started, Lisa. Looks like most folks, especially Rock, are wedded to their viewpoint, and most have said important things about what is from their viewpoint and what they’d like to see change. My perspective is that we women are the main catalysts for change here. Not that men shouldn’t take moral responsibility for channeling their sexual and power desires, but as is usually the case, the oppressed are the ones who will have to take most of the action, set the new boundaries and educate in more cooperative and loving ways of being. Which seems to be what you’re trying to do, Lisa. We women have great power, for without us, men would be emotionally destitute, without a mother’s nurturing love, without the ecstasy of sexual satisfaction (not dissing gay/lesbian folk here). My mission has been to teach my daughter and son to respect the other gender(s) and treat their intimates with compassion while setting appropriate boundaries for themselves. Over time and more generations, change will happen. It already has, but has not been universal. All we can do is our little bit among those we know to break the old patterns and create new, more loving and respectful ones. Ultimately, this is not a legal issue but a moral and spiritual one. Internalize respect for self and others, and pass it on.

  26. Here is a new article I just found, which is related to this discussion:

    Sexy Clothes — Too Much, Too Young: Study Reveals That a Significant Proportion of Young Girls’ Clothing Is Sexualized
    http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/05/110509091420.htm

  27. Hi Lisa,
    I found out about this documentary and organization today that I thought may interest you. It was started with a Sundance Documentary about the representation of women in the media… Oprah ‘s OWN network has purchased this Sun Dance Documentary and will be airing it on October 20, 2011. Click the link below.

    http://missrepresentation.org/
    I can tell you share my passion about this topic….and just wanted to share

    Anitamarie

  28. I revisited this post today that has really blown up I see… anyway on the news this am was an author that stated that by 2030 women will be the major breadwinners in the US. So much for needing protectors and providers…

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