ME (in the shower, thinking, as I shave my legs): I only have one new razor blade left, but this one is going dull. I can feel it tearing into my skin. I really should change it, but they’re so expensive.
INNER CHEERLEADER: Wait a minute, not taking care of myself when I need to is a ‘lack of abundance’ mindset. I need to change the blade and declare to the Universe, “I can afford all the razor blades I need.”
ME: Yeah, but we really don’t have the income right now for something that has become a borderline luxury. That’s fine ‘pie in the sky’ thinking, but the reality is I really should be frugal. I’d hate to be so poor someday that I can’t afford even that and look back on today, thinking, “God, I was so wasteful back then. I wish I’d had the foresight to not blow through the last of our money.”
INNER CHEERLEADER: Oh my god, listen to all that negative talk! I am powerful! I am the creator of my life! I am abundant! I am prosperous, and phooey on that negative karma!
ME: Yeah, but there’s no reason that razors should be so expensive! Have you seen the price of them lately? And I really resent the forced upgrades that all of the brands are doing, adding more and more blades, and making the triple-bladed kind, which I was just fine with, obsolete. In fact, the brand I used to buy regularly before the upgrades don’t even work that well anymore. I wonder if the manufacturers use deliberately dulled blades in the older versions so we consumers have to buy the higher priced ones.
INNER CHEERLEADER: What are you, a conspiracy theorist now? The new, quadruple bladed ones work better because of new technology and advancements in their research.
ME: Maybe, but still …
(the razor handle slips out of my soapy hand, falls to floor of tub and the cartridge pops off)
BOOMING VOICE: Oh, for fuck’s sake, change the blade already!
Moral: the more of your old shit you let go of, the less time you’ll waste on inner dialogs like this.
Here’s you a shaved dog: