Tag Archives: humor

Why I wrote The Poppet Master

Thar she blows, the very first copy of The Poppet Master to come out of the box.

If you’re an HSP (highly sensitive person)—that is, someone who lives the meaning of the word “empath”—you know that bearable entertainment can be hard to come by. There exist plenty of well-made movies and TV programs, written and performed by truly gifted artists, but a lot of it is just too intense for people with over-the-top psychic abilities.

To be an HSP is a blessing and a curse (a blurse, as comedian Jonathan Katz would call it). On one hand, you’re psychic, which is pretty groovy. On the other hand, you’re psychic, which means that you feel and know stuff you don’t want to feel or know.

It also means that watching or reading violent or psychologically twisted programming or books is nearly impossible.

Even though I have access to movie channels, Netflix and Hulu, and have the entire world at my fingertips via the interwebs, sometimes it feels like there’s literally nothing on that I can watch without making me weep for the future (or the past). I don’t need any more anxiety in my life, but I also get tired of settling for fluff. I want to sink my teeth into something flavorful, but I don’t want said chompers stuccoed with Cheeto gunk when I’m done.

When something that fits the bill comes along, I grab onto it and squeeze the life out of it by obsessively binge-watching over and over until my husband begs me to find something else to watch. For example, I adore a British TV show called Detectorists, and I’m on what is probably my fifth viewing of all three seasons. It’s insanely funny, but it’s a gentle humor. The characters are so very real and the situations in which they find themselves are dramatic enough to be interesting, yet not so hard core that I can’t sleep at night.

Shows like this are hard to find and, sometimes, when your personality is such that stories come to you “on a flaming pie”, you write the kind of books you wish you could find. Thusly, here comes Lola and Twink, starring in The Poppet Master, a metaphysical comedy for empaths and the people who love them.

It’s the kind of book I like to read: sometimes zany, sometimes suspenseful, always magical. Plus, I love when any of the characters address the blurse of being a Highly Sensitive Person.

Check it out. If you like it, leave a positive review on Amazon. If you don’t like it, remember what your mom used to say, “If you can’t say something nice …”

And, of course, here’s you a writing dog:


Lisa Bonnice is an award-winning, best-selling author. Her current passion-project is a series of metaphysical comedy novels. The first is entitled The Poppet Master (previously published as Be Careful What You Witch For!, now revamped and with a new ending). The Poppet Master is a modern-day fairy tale about Lola Garnett, a bored housewife and office drone who wakes up with unexpected psychic abilities, and no instruction manual, and Twink, the reluctant, sarcastic faery assigned to assist and educate her. The Poppet Master is available wherever books are sold. Its sequel is in the works.

Lisa is also writing The Maxwell Curse, a fictionalized version of a story she found in her own ancestral lineage about a witch trial, a generational curse, and massive mine explosion, all of which left ripples of destruction in their wake, devastating one family’s tree.

http://www.lisabonnice.com

Thoughts on returning to standup comedy, 25 years after quitting – Part 1

My headshot from the old days in comedy in Chicago, circa 1990. This photo may still be hanging in a comedy club near you.


If you read my previous blog, Apparently I’m performing standup comedy again…, you already know that I used to be a professional comedian. If you haven’t read it, go ahead and do that now. I’ll wait, and here is some hold music …

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Since I wrote that blog, my husband Jeff (who has a similar story) and I have performed/rehearsed to develop five minutes of polished material at numerous “open mic” nights, which culminated in a taped showcase at the Tempe Improv (an A room). It’s been … interesting.

Back in the old days (yes, I said that in a ‘granny’ voice), in the 80s and 90s, when I was learning comedy in Fort Wayne, Indiana and then in Chicago, it was a different world with a totally different vibe. There was a camaraderie and friendship with the other comics. I’m not finding that to be the case, for the most part, this time around.

By the way, I’m not complaining about any of this, just making note of what I’m experiencing. It’s just … not what I expected it to be like.

Maybe it’s because I’m married now and decades older than the people I’m meeting. Or, perhaps it’s because I have years of experience under my belt already (I’m obviously not a newbie) and seemingly appeared from out of the blue. Either way, I’m finding it hard to assimilate.

I’ll admit that I haven’t enjoyed the open mic process very much, because of this. It’s difficult to keep going night after night, to practice an evolving set of basically the same five minutes of material, in front of the same group of very young (mostly) dudes.

Performing at an open mic in Mesa, AZ.

Have I mentioned that part yet? Most open mics are a gathering of the same group of people who go from place to place, wherever there’s an available microphone, practicing their material on one another, with perhaps a couple of civilians thrown in. It’s easy enough to get a few laughs when no one has heard your material before, but after the umpteenth time, even sympathy laughs are rather thin on the ground.

This, by the way, is the true driving force behind writing new material and sharpening up the stuff that’s worth keeping: the humiliation of standing in front of the same people who are no longer laughing at what they’ve heard you say a thousand times before is a big motivator.

Aside from a couple of nice rooms that are actually set up for comedy, many open mics take place in random taverns, not places that are designed for shows. One that I know of (which I haven’t done and most likely won’t) takes place on the outdoor patio of a bar, overlooking a busy street.

Performing in a mostly empty room at one of the nicer open mics, improvMANIA in Chandler, AZ.

They always have a microphone, but sometimes they don’t have a stage or even a spotlight. They often have large screen TVs scattered around the bar, which they may or may not turn off during the open mic.

There is either no crowd other than comics, or a handful of people who are just there to drink at the bar and yack with their friends while a “show” goes on behind them. Or, by the time you get to the stage (the lists of comics who sign up to perform are usually very long) the crowd has gotten tired and gone home.

Dig if you will the verbal picture I’m painting. This is what you call a tough gig.

So, that’s what we did for about a month. The showcase at the Improv couldn’t come soon enough, IMHO. For one thing, I could finally blow out those five honed minutes and move on to new material. But mostly, the Improv gets huge crowds and it’s a real comedy club. The excitement and anxiety about getting back on stage in front of a genuine comedy audience was building to peak levels.

I’ll tell you that story in my next blog, Part 2 of Thoughts on returning to standup comedy, 25 years after quitting.

And, of course, here’s you a dog … Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog.


Lisa Bonnice is an award-winning, best-selling author. Her current passion-project is a series of metaphysical comedy novels. The first is entitled The Poppet Master (previously published as Be Careful What You Witch For!, now revamped and with a new ending). The Poppet Master is a modern-day fairy tale about Lola Garnett, a bored housewife and office drone who wakes up with unexpected psychic abilities, and no instruction manual, and Twink, the reluctant, sarcastic faery assigned to assist and educate her. The Poppet Master is available wherever books are sold. Its sequel is in the works.

Lisa is also writing The Maxwell Curse, a fictionalized version of a story she found in her own ancestral lineage about a witch trial, a generational curse, and massive mine explosion, all of which left ripples of destruction in their wake, devastating one family’s tree.

http://www.lisabonnice.com

Shape Shifting: Rebooting after a long, hard summer

I live in Arizona, where the summers are indescribably hot. Novelties like cups and t-shirts with this sentiment are common:

This is how that sentiment makes me feel:

Suffice to say, I am ecstatic to see September finally arrive. It’s been a long, hot summer. To make it worse, I’ve been experiencing the internal hell of perimenopausal hot flashes. Half the time I feel like I’m filled with red-hot lava. The other half of the time, I’m picking myself up from where I collapsed, due to the lava.

Anyway, enough with the silliness. Yesterday, Labor Day, I gave the house a good fall cleaning and saw my face in the mirror, as if for the first time in months. I was shocked by how old and tired I looked. It reminded me of a summer, years ago, when I experienced something similar. I wrote about it in my book, Shape Shifting–reclaiming your perfect body. Here is an excerpt:

I happen to have an example of shape shifting from real life to show what I’m talking about.

A recent summer was a rough one, one that made me look and feel really old. On top of our everyday lives, with their everyday stressors, my husband Jeff and I experienced several explosive events, the kinds that individually would have been enough to make anybody cry out to the heavens, “God, why do you hate me?” In addition, we were physically exhausted after, due to those events, living for three months in the Florida summer with no air conditioning and moving from one house to another twice! I also had a job that brought me to tears on a fairly regular basis because it was so disgusting and loathsome. You wouldn’t believe the details if I told you, but take my word for it: this was an exceedingly painful few months—one of the hardest periods of my entire life.

After we moved for the final time, and things seemed to have settled down, I finished unpacking and finally breathed a sigh of relief in our new, air-conditioned place. With a fresh perspective and newly reopened eyes, I caught my reflection in the mirror and was horrified by what I saw. There were deep lines in my face that looked as though they had been etched in with a chisel and a heavy hand. I was pale and wan, and had dark circles under my eyes. My hair was dull and frizzy and I was all hunched over, like a beaten dog. In addition, my body ached all over. I was actually frightened by how much I had aged in such a brief time.

It suddenly occurred to me what had happened. I had allowed all of the “external” events and circumstances to take their toll on my physical body. Honestly, in retrospect, I don’t think I could have prevented it because I was so deeply immersed in the hell that had become my life—I felt very distant from my soul that summer. However, I realized that, in that brief period of time, I had packed years worth of living and learning into a concentrated package. I had previously, and impatiently, asked for accelerated spiritual growth and I got it! I may have matured ten years mentally, emotionally and spiritually, but I didn’t have to let it show physically! So I decided to see if I could erase it from my face, just for fun. No harm in trying, right?

I didn’t really expect it to work. I was mostly just goofing around. I was feeling good, with all of the drama behind me, and was finally comfortable, safe and able to relax. It was more of a lighthearted effort with no real process. I simply decided to relax my muscles and let go of all the stress. I reminded myself to smile and to rejoice in the fact that all was well again. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply, allowing the inner me to come forth.

Much to my amazement, it worked! As I opened my eyes and watched my face in the mirror, the lines went away and my color returned to normal. The hag in the mirror was magically transformed into the youthful and energetic person that I remembered being, a long time ago (three months ago). Lest you think it was just my imagination, Jeff even noticed the difference, when he came home later. He agreed that it looked like ten years had been removed. He had good reason for saying that—it had been removed!

“Big deal,” you say? It was a big deal. Remember how, when you were little, your mom told you not to make faces because your face might stick that way? She didn’t realize how right she was. If I hadn’t released the stress, and had continued to carry it around with me, my face would have indeed frozen that way and carried that age with it for the rest of my life—or at least until such time as I chose to release it.

This may seem like an elementary example, but it’s a perfect one. The point is, this is what I’m talking about—our thoughts, worries, actions and lives in general do have an affect on our bodies! Maybe it’s time we started to pay attention to what we’re creating in every moment!

I was surprised to discover that the same thing had happened, again. The details of this past summer were different from the one I wrote about, but I still saw myself in the mirror looking old and wretched.

So what I decided to do, as I cleaned that mirror, was to imagine that my Windex/rag combo was wiping away all of the damage done to my face. I allowed myself to relax and let go of the stress of the summer. I reminded myself that cooler weather is on its way, and I watched some of the age and worry drain fade away.

It really does work. Give it a try sometimes.

Sexy model Peter Argue shatters the stereotypes

WPeter Argueilhelmina model Peter Argue, inspiration for the character Eric Ellis in the new novel, The MENhattan Project, answers questions about what it’s like to be a male model. I came into the interview with some inaccurate preconceived notions, and Peter set me straight.

Last year, I worked with authors Victoria Flores and Leslie Wilson on their romantic comedy novel for adults, The MENhattan Project. They wrote the story, and I fleshed it out and punched it up. It was great fun to work with them, and I’m happy to announce that the book is now available on Kindle.

As part of my research before getting started, I asked Victoria if I could interview her soon-to-be husband, Canadian model Peter Argue, for two reasons:

  • His lifestyle and career were the inspiration for Eric Ellis, one of the male leads in the book (although Peter is a nicer guy than Eric);
  • I knew nothing about the world of male modeling, and I needed to get inside his head so that what I wrote about Eric would make sense. This was especially important because I had spent the better part of my writing career railing against the objectification of female models and body image issues, in my blogs and my first book, Shape Shifting—reclaiming YOUR perfect body. And, as one of Peter’s favorite Wayne Dyer quotes states, “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.”

The Menhattan ProjectPeter kindly agreed to answer my questions, and I used many of his answers while fleshing out Eric’s character. But some of the interesting things he said never made it into The MENhattan Project. So I thought I’d share them here (with plenty of spoiler alerts).

Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be a male model? Here’s Wilhelmina model Peter Argue’s take:


Q) What made you decide to become a model?

peter5A) I always enjoyed nice clothes. Beatings from my older brother were the norm when I would wear one of his Ralph Lauren shirts to school. We were expected to be financially self sufficient as kids, and my older brother used money he earned to buy nice clothes. Eventually, I made money from teaching trumpet lessons. Things changed then, but until that point I had to wear hand-me-downs and non-name-brand clothes.

My father owned several hair salons and distributed hair products so, as kids, we would work in the warehouse on the weekends. A woman rented a space he had in the city for her modeling agency. I helped her set things up, and worked with her running the agency. Because of my parents, I had a good understanding of business at a very young age.

Eventually I flew to NYC and LA for conventions when I was sixteen and seventeen. Although I didn’t get signed with my number one pick, Ford Models in New York, I did get offers to model in Korea and Taipei.

I worked out every day, and continued to help grow the agency and eventually had a good business that I was a part of. I set up mall fashion shows, and photo shoots for the local newspaper, all the while still dreaming about working with Ford. To me they were the best and most prestigious in the world.

One day while walking through the mall, an agent from none other than Ford-NYC approached me. They were scouting across Canada for contestants for their Ford Supermodel of the World. I won for my province and then won in January 1995 for Canada. I spent about six months in Toronto working and then moved to Europe. All my dreams came true.

Q) What is the hardest part about being a model?

A) Most male models would say being on your own, or traveling all the time, but those are two of the things I enjoy the most, although that changes over the years: last year I took fifty six flights and worked in eighteen countries. The market is saturated here in America.

I’m now signed with Wilhelmina NYC, which is the Ferrari compared to the Lamborghini in terms of comparison with Ford. Being with one of the best agencies also has its downfalls, as my agents turn jobs down on my behalf if not enough money is offered. And their roster has some of the top guys in the world, so they are also your competition.

It’s important to have a good business sense, since some clients and agencies can take up to one year to pay. I’m one of the guys that puts a lot of money back into my career, investment-wise, so I need that money in due time to stay ahead, always. Even though clients pay airfare, hotel etc., I still end up spending a lot of my own money when traveling so much.

peter3Q) How cutthroat is the male modeling industry?

A) The male modeling industry isn’t really as bad as the women’s. Men have a much longer career span. I’ve always done well since I moved to Toronto all those years back, but that was partly due to the fact that I set up markets all over the globe, and didn’t rely on just a few main markets. It helps to visit those markets a couple times a year. We are like cows: the agency likes to have a fresh group in and work, work, work for a season, and then a new batch comes in. It gives the clients access to variety.

When it comes to NYC, most guys just stay here all the time as they are tired of traveling, want to settle down or set up some other business. It can get a little competitive, but most of the time the guys are all pretty cool. Some will sell themselves out but it’s never been my style. I am what I am. Either you like me or you don’t.

Q) How hard is it to maintain a relationship when you’re traveling and having women throw themselves at you (which I assume happens a lot—is that accurate?)

A) I don’t think that’s the case at all, actually. There are so many assumptions about the modeling industry and it only takes a few well publicized cases to have people assume it’s like that all the time.

You create what you want. It’s always been that way for me. There was a point in my life when I was living in London and woke up one morning with some girl in my bed and it made my skin crawl. I was quite often hooking up with random girls as that is what becomes the norm, and it’s like this for most of the models I know. They either date another model (omg kill me—I want to talk about something other than work!) or just play the field.

I realized that I wasn’t happy living like that. I was craving a relationship, but had to figure out how to make it possible, as it never worked before. As good as this business is, there are a lot of compromises. Some models can deal with it and others can’t. I guess it just depends on what you want at that time in your life.

peter4Q) Do the women you have been involved with feel insecure if they’re not at the same level of beauty? Do you ever wonder if people like you for who you are inside, or only for your looks?

A) What draws me to someone is the fact that, no matter what they look like, they have self confidence. I’ve seen a lot of “ugly” female models but they have confidence and they become attractive. I’m pretty sure that people like me for who I am on the inside, and the outer shell is just a bonus.

Q) What is it like to be so “genetically blessed” in a world of relatively average people? I mean, I assume that living in NYC and working in your field, you’re probably surrounded by beautiful people. But when you’re out among regular folks, do you find that you get preferential treatment? Do you ever deliberately use your looks to get special treatment? Do you get tired of this even being an issue and just want to forget about what you look like sometimes?

A) I get special treatment all the time and I love it. Who wouldn’t? To be honest though, I see all my flaws more than I see my beauty. My hair is never 100% right, my body is definitely way behind what I want it to be, my teeth are not perfect and I don’t think I have much fashion sense. Even to this day, I don’t know how to put a stylish outfit together, partially because I don’t care all that much and think the whole industry is ridiculous, but I get around that by going out and buying a $700 pair of Dior sneakers with a cool pair of RRL jeans and a t-shirt that is body hugging and it all works. I’m a jeans and t-shirt kind of guy. I could see myself being very happy living up north in a really nice cottage and working outside all day, chopping wood.

I may use my looks to get my way sometimes, but never in a malicious or selfish way. It’s just one of the things that make me who I am. Some people are articulate, so they use that skill to get what they want. Others are funny, so they use that. I think it’s just a part of being a human being and survival to use what we have. I don’t see anything wrong with it.

peter2These days I get a bit embarrassed or uncomfortable when people make comments about how I look, but after so many years you get programmed to still want that, and you need to hear it, deep down inside.

Q) Women have been objectified for a long time and held up to impossible standards—this isn’t news—but now it looks like men are getting their turn. How do you feel about that? How much pressure is on you to maintain a perfectly toned and sculpted physique? What do guys in your field do to get and stay that way? How hard do you have to work to stay in the kind of shape you’re in, to maintain your career?

A) I think women let themselves be objectified and I don’t see anything wrong with it, as long as there is no harm done. If they are foolish enough to not take advantage of being objectified then that is their own fault. If someone wants to objectify me, fine. Do as you wish, because I’m smart and hard working enough to get what I want out of the situation. I look at it as everyone wins.

Unfortunately there are always things being pushed too far and then you have problems: anorexic girls, mental issues, etc. I suggest people getting into this industry had better be really strong; otherwise it can crush you and damage you for life. Maybe that explains why you always see models partying and maintaining that eighteen-year-old lifestyle when we are in our thirties and older. Maybe to mask some underlying issues?

Maybe we sleep with hundreds of women to make up for every time we went into a casting and were objectified and turned down. Maybe we do stupid things sometimes to make up for some really scary situations we got ourselves in. Bad shit happens and it stays with you.

There are a lot of control issues in this industry and you can either be controlled or control. Sometimes we can’t always pick. I’m a neat freak—a perfectionist in many things, and I get frustrated when things are beyond my control. I was once told by another model that she had seen a shrink after developing these same characteristics, and the shrink said it was quite common after being in this industry for many years—you live in so many shithole model apartments, and do your best to make it bearable, so once you have your own home it has to be perfect all the time because it’s one of the things that you could control in your life.

When it comes to the gym, I have my ups and downs. So many years of pressure to be in top shape, it’s very hard to maintain all year long, especially with so much travel. Science has come a long way and many supplements exist to help you keep a good body, but it comes down to a lot of discipline. The better shape you’re in, the more money you’ll make.

When I was in my teens it was popular to just go to the gym and throw around some weights. It worked at the time but then we were eighteen and raging with testosterone. Times have changed and so have views on how to train. To do it properly you need a full time trainer and to do more cross fit and resistance activities. I still enjoy throwing around my weights, though, but I’ve picked up roller-blading and occasionally running.

DWRiver-SpoilersFrom this point on, in this interview, there are lots of book spoilers so turn away if you haven’t read it yet. When I started working on the book, the plotline had already been laid out, and I wanted Peter’s help in filling in the corners of Eric’s character, so I asked him to suppose what Eric’s motivations might be, given their similar professions.

WHO IS ERIC ELLIS?

Q) Tell me about your restaurant concept, as it’s similar to what Eric is planning.

A) Throughout my twenty years of traveling I found it a challenge to find a quick bite to eat that is healthy and affordable without having to sit down in a restaurant. Growing up in the middle of Canada, baked potatoes were (and still are) one of our staple foods. I’ve seen the concept work with great success in Turkey and also in Germany, so I’m in the process of adapting it for the North American market.

I see it based on the Subway sandwich shop business model with franchise opportunities worldwide, except using baked potatoes prepared in a unique way and then loaded up with healthy and delicious toppings. Small overhead, high profit margins and in locations (airports, universities, malls) where there is a high volume of traffic and people just want a quick meal under ten or twelve dollars.

peterQ) Why do you suppose Eric isn’t interested in Vivian as more than a friend with benefits? Does she not fit into his world? Is he too busy? Are there too many other fish in the global sea?

A) Eric is living THE life. He can spin the globe and put a finger down and pack his two bags that contain his life (he prefers being mobile and has perfected it over all the years) and can be out the door. He can stay in that country and work as a model, and most of the time make enough money to get by, living a very fun filled time. In most cases, he can even come out way ahead, if there are a few lucky breaks along the way.

All in all, at the end of the year, he is always ahead of the game and in the male model business this is the key: to be able to stay mobile and work many countries/markets throughout the year. With that, there are always many opportunities to meet up with women along the way.

Long term relationships for Eric always end in heartbreak, as staying in one market too long doesn’t work. His career will suffer eventually. He knows this, as it’s been proven, time and time again. He learned to save himself the heartbreak for both him and his lover by just keeping a casual dating scenario and being honest from the start, telling her that he would be leaving in a few months.

I like to think of Eric as a pretty nice guy and very down to earth. At times he knows what he has to do to get what he wants, but it’s for the right reasons and he’s never malicious.

Q) I’m imagining Eric’s life as being like Vincent Chase in Entourage, to a lesser degree of wealth and fame. Is that accurate at all?

A) I can see some parallels but, honestly, I had to stop watching Entourage as I got so annoyed by Vincent. He started out fine but, at a certain point, he became far too needy and quite a whiner. I think that Eric would maintain a good head on his shoulders and still be down to earth.

Eric is fun and adventurous, but also more caring these days and would never use anyone in a malicious way. He may still want his freedom, and he feels better knowing he has it even if he doesn’t have any desire to be with anyone else, mostly because that’s what he is used to.

peter and victoria

Peter Argue and Victoria Flores

Q) Considering Eric’s lifestyle, how many other women—apart from Vivian—do you suppose he’s sleeping with in NYC, and is he getting laid while he’s out of town? Would he even have time when he’s traveling/working, or would he be too busy?

A) I think, at this point in Eric’s life, he has made some big changes moving to North America from Europe. He feels that the whole mentality here is quite different than in the rest of the world. Although his career is still going strong, it’s changed. He went from working three to five days a week and now, in NYC, it’s the kind of market that is so saturated that most models (men and women) only work a few times a month.

I think, when Eric first moves to New York, he is going to be very careful and can feel already that it’s going to be difficult in a city like that. He has a frustration growing in him the longer he stays. He’s a busy guy—it takes a lot of work to keep on top of thirty agencies worldwide, going to the gym, and even just eating healthy every day takes a great deal of time. Although he has grown used to getting lots of attention, over the years he has become a bit more private and less social.

Going out to clubs was never really a bit priority for him. He has always been able to entertain himself and be self sufficient. He prefers it that way.

MAJOR SPOILER!!!

massive spoiler

Q) Why do you suppose Eric came back to Vivian? What was it about her, out of all the women he meets and after all that went down between them, that makes him want to commit?

A) That’s simple: it was all about timing. He had reached a stage in his life before he met her where he was ready to finally commit to the right woman. Sometimes a certain lifestyle is hard to give up, but eventually you know it’s the right thing.

As with wishing to be signed with Ford Models, if you put something out in the universe, and truly want it badly enough, then things will happen. You must give back and make a conscious effort to do it daily and Eric believes in this. After all, in traveling in thirty different countries in twenty years, he has picked up a lot of worldly knowledge and maybe that’s why sometimes he’s misunderstood.

Some people just think, “Oh, you’re a model … snicker, snicker.” They only think of what Page Six says about models and all the stereotypes, but he’s actually a quite deep character.


The Menhattan Project, by Victoria Flores and Leslie Wilson, with Lisa Bonnice, is available on Kindle and soon to be in book form.

Vivian Fiori may seem like she has it all. A thriving career, the “nice” guy that loves her and an anonymous, successful dating blog that’s changing the way women date in New York. Only glitch, she is falling for the wrong guy and when the public is itching to find out who the secret blogger of The Menhattan Project is, her world is about to come crumbling down around her. Her only saving grace, her best friends who aren’t afraid to tell her the truth, no holds barred. Vivian Fiori, you are F@#!%D!

“The Menhattan Project is a fun, extremely sexy and laugh-out-loud funny page-turner, featuring whip-smart women and to-die-for men. Perfection! More, please!”

Alisa Valdes
Best Selling Author
The Dirty Girls Social Club
 

AUTHOR BIOS:

Dating advice and beauty bloggers Victoria Flores and Leslie Wilson are best friends living in New York City, who are both finally married with children on the way. Victoria can be seen on this season’s dating show, “The Singles Project” on Bravo TV. The authors have been featured in the Huffington Post, New York Magazine, Self Magazine, Cosmo Latina, Hamptons Magazine and many others. Lisa Bonnice is a best-selling author and former standup comedienne. She, too, has had more than her share of crazy experiences in the dating world.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MenhattanProject
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MenhattanBook
WordPress: http://menhattanproject.wordpress.com

Lisa Bonnice is the author of four previous books:

Shape Shifting–reclaiming YOUR perfect body (also on Kindle)
The Shape Shifter’s Daily Diary
Be Careful What You Witch For! (also on Kindle)
Fear of Our Father

She is currently working on a sequel to her first novel, Be Careful What You Witch For!

The photos on this page were snagged from Peter’s facebook page (except for the spoiler gifs, which were found on Google).

Kindle fans: “Be Careful What You Witch For!” is back!

be careful front cover I recently wrote a blog about one on my books being pirated for use as a torrent. My issue wasn’t that my work was being stolen, it was that I had taken that book off the market because I was rewriting it. Well, I’ve republished it. It’s available again (both in paperback and ebook), because I’ve changed my mind.

Fans of Lola and Twink will be happy to know that I’m moving forward with the sequel, and writing it in the third person, with a planned publication date of Halloween, October 31, 2014. That’s five years to the day since the first book in the series–hopefully Book 3 won’t take that long to get out there (life got a little nuts between then and now).

Book 1–as is–will be the only one written in Lola’s voice. It was Lola Garnett’s diary, written while trying to figure out, with the help of a pissed off faery sidekick, how she woke up with powerful psychic abilities and how to use them to stop the crazy bitch across the street from destroying her life.

In the sequel, which is written in the third person, Lola has become more comfortable with her abilities and life has settled into a modicum of normalcy again. She starts taking classes at the local New Age book shops and learns to journey “across the veil” into the other realms.

Hijinks, of course, ensue when she becomes entangled with an extremely attractive mystery man, on the other side, and Twink, who is finally allowed to come home after paying her penance by helping Lola, can’t seem to find her way there. Lola is once again challenged to solve life’s puzzles and challenges, while working with powers she doesn’t understand. (More details to come.)

If you haven’t yet read Be Careful What You Witch For!, it’s only $2.99 at the Kindle Store. If you’re already a fan, you might want to subscribe to my blog so you’ll receive updates and notifications about Book 2.

See ya then!

 


BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WITCH FOR!
twinklowres Meet Lola Garnett, a bored housewife, mom and office drone who develops strange psychic abilities overnight with no instruction manual, and Twink, the reluctant, sarcastic fairy assigned to assist and educate her. In this first book in the series, middle-aged Lola Garnett has resigned herself to an unsatisfying life of servitude as a wife, mother and office drone. The American dream she’s living feels more like a coma, and she secretly longs for a more meaningful life. In a perfect demonstration of “be careful what you wish for” she gets her wish when she wakes up from a nap one day with extrasensory abilities and powers. What she doesn’t Lola Garnettknow is that her condition is the result of a botched spell coming from across the street, where her wanna-be-witch neighbor, Melinda Underwood, is foolishly playing with powers she doesn’t understand. Lola’s untrained intuition tells her that Melinda intends to use her equal, yet opposite, powers for evil against innocent people. With the help of a tiny, sarcastic, ethereal sidekick, Lola overcomes her helpless resignation to overthrow Melinda’s evil plot and in the meantime, finds her own self worth.

REVIEWS:

5.0 out of 5 stars
What a fun book! I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book and found that I did not want to put it down. I loved the charactors and the story in general. Many times throughout the book I felt like I could be Lola! I will be anxious to see the next book in the series! Thanks for such an enjoyable read. I passed it on to a friend who is another ‘aspiring witch’! 🙂

5.0 out of 5 stars
Lisa Bonnice is a master at creating interesting, quirky characters. I thoroughly enjoyed this book from start to finish and could not put it down. I found it to be witty, amusing, intelligent, and edgy. I especially loved it because unlike many books that deal with metaphysical subjects, it has a sense of playful irreverence. The protaganist is a “mainstream” person who is a complete novice when it comes to psychic phenomenon, which makes the story refreshing,fun, and lighthearted. I can’t wait until the next book in the series is completed. I’ll be the first in line to buy it.

5.0 out of 5 stars

This book was both fun and thought-provoking….a page-turner that leaves you wanting more (and looking forward to the next installment!) It works on many levels, first as the story of Lola, an ordinary woman who is coming to grips with her own strengths and weaknesses, beliefs and self-doubts, while coping with the day-to-day issues of marriage, family and work. It is also a unique fantasy/fable that takes you along on a journey with Lola as she learns to cope, with the help of her own higher self and her reluctant fairy side-kick, Tink, with her burgeoning new paranormal gifts and the unexpected, confusing, and often hilarious side-effects that they have on her life.

5.0 out of 5 stars

I love this book. Lisa Bonnice has managed to address the fears of anyone who is exploring their own abilities for the first time and give us the ability to laugh at ourselves and then step back and look a little deeper into our own souls. Written with humor and depth. This is a must read for anyone who is looking for that great “bathtub book” or a good reason to curl up with a warm blanket and a hot cup of coffee. You will find yourself laughing not only at Lola but also at yourself as Lola bumbles through as many of us really have done in exploring our own paths. While the book has some moments of comedic genuis but when you finish the book and find yourself missing the characters, you will also find that there were some wonderful life lessons along the way.

 5.0 out of 5 stars
Love It!
This is one of those stories that entertains while making you step back and think. Lola is every woman who has ever found herself in a place of not knowing who she is or why she is here.Lola’s journey into self discovery and spirituality, left me with the desire to really step back and take a look at myself while being excited to find out what they next part of the journey will be.The story is told with both humor, compassion and wisdom.I certainly hope there will be more adventures with Lola and Twink.

My book was pirated–I’m somebody now!

When I was doing standup comedy for a living, I worked with Tim Allen a lot, before he got famous. I knew Tim had made it big when I saw his name as a clue in a TV Guide crossword puzzle. Well, I may not be that famous, but I just discovered that one of my ebooks is being offered as a torrent. These days, that counts for something. My work is now virtual currency!

Honestly, my initial reaction was, “Hey! That’s not cool!” and I looked into having it removed because of copyright infringement, but then I thought again. My  reason for caring is because the book is out of print, not because of the pirating issue. I’m rewriting it, and I didn’t want the first version of this book to be available anymore.

Meet Lola Garnett, a bored housewife, mom and office drone who wakes up with unexpected psychic abilities, and no instruction manual, and Twink, the reluctant, sarcastic fairy assigned to assist and educate her.  In this first book in a series, middle-aged Lola has resigned herself to an unsatisfying life of servitude as a wife, mother and office drone. The American Dream she's living feels more like a coma, and she secretly longs for a more meaningful life. In a perfect demonstration of "be careful what you wish for…" she gets her wish when she wakes up from a nap one day with extrasensory abilities and powers.  The adventure really kicks into gear once she learns that her condition is the result of a botched spell coming from across the street, where her wanna-be-witch neighbor, Melinda Underwood, is foolishly playing with powers she doesn't understand. Lola’s untrained intuition tells her that Melinda intends to use her equal, yet opposite, powers for evil against innocent people.  With the help of a tiny, sarcastic, ethereal sidekick, can Lola overcome her helpless resignation to overthrow Melinda's evil plot and, while she's at it, find her own self worth?

Cover art by Justin Spyres

I originally wrote Be Careful What You Witch For! in the first person, as Lola Garnett, an Ohio woman who wakes up from a nap with magical abilities and no instruction manual. She is eventually assigned a pissed off fairy as a sidekick/instructor. Hijinks, of course, ensue.

The problem is that Lola isn’t a writer, she’s just an average person, so the writing style is intentionally obtuse. When it was time to begin writing the sequel, I wanted to tell it in the third person POV so I won’t have to limit myself to just what Lola could know about. But that means I had to rewrite Book One, first. That’s what I’ve been working on, and it’s slow going. I’d really rather just move on to Book Two.

So I’m thinking … maybe this is the Big U’s way of telling me to just get on with Book Two and don’t bother rewriting the first book. Maybe the fact that it’s already out there, beyond my control now, means that I’m supposed to let go of it. What do you think? If you’ve read the book, visit my Facebook page to let me know if you think it’s fine, as is, or if it needs to be rewritten as a third person narrative.

Thanks!

Emo Philips, comedy genius (repost)

I wrote this years ago,  when I was still blogging on another site. But since I’m in a show-biz story kind of mood these days, I thought I’d repost this, about the time(s) I met Emo Philips.

The first time I met Emo, I was still waitressing/bartending at Snickerz Comedy Bar in Fort Wayne, Indiana. He was a huge name in comedy at the time–he was on all the TV shows and cable channels, and he had even released a record (that’s a large, round, flat piece of vinyl, similar to a CD, that we used to play on something called a “record player”). The club was sold out for all the shows, SRO (standing room only). Like most big name acts, Emo kept to himself and the staff didn’t see him much. My most intimate interaction with him, that time, was when he signed an 8×10 glossy photo for me, “Dear Lisa, Thank you for the hamsters. Love, Emo”

Pardon me while I have a Strange Interlude: That Saturday night, on my way to work at Snickerz for Emo week, I totaled my car and smashed my face up a bit. My nose was broken, and my uniform and face were both drenched with blood. I knew that if I went straight to the hospital and called in “sick” from the ER, Kevin (my boss) wouldn’t believe how serious it was, because NO ONE called in sick during one of these SRO events without losing their job. The fact that I was in shock (and a bit of a drama queen) helped me to do this–I drove to the club and parked my crumpled car in front. I made my way through the crowd that was waiting to get in, up to the front to where Kevin was seating people. One look told him that I wasn’t faking just to get the night off. He sent me off to the ER, toute suite.

Anyhoo, my real Emo story is much more fun.

Years later, after I had moved to Chicago and had been performing comedy for a few years, a good friend of mine was working at Catch A Rising Star. His name was Gary Kern and he was a “comic’s comic.” This means that he was so funny that he could crack up even the most jaded comedian, and sometimes the crowds just didn’t get how really brilliant he was. Gary, who died a few months after this gig, had a lot of friends and several comics came to see him that night because it was early in the week and most of us had to work on the weekends. We were all sitting at a table, chatting, when Emo (who was also a fan of Gary’s) came into the room and sat next to me, the only open seat at the table.

I would be lying if I didn’t admit to realizing how cool it was that I had gotten to a point in my career where I was actually hanging out with the caliber of performer that I was with–that Emo Philips would just stroll into the room and sit next to me as though I were his peer. But I digress.

At one point, Emo turned to me and said in his lilting, sing-song voice, “I have a joke I’d like to tell you. Let me know what you think.”

I’m pretty sure I don’t have this joke word for word as he told it, but it went something like this (you really have to read this in Emo’s voice):

“I went to the doctor and said, ‘Doctor, it hurts after I pee.’ The doctor said, (*dramatic sigh*) ‘Emo, Emo, Emo … When you’re done, don’t wring it out.’” With this, Emo made a tight, wringing gesture, as though he was squeezing water out of a drenched towel.

Not only was it a funny joke, it was the fact that Emo Philips–one of the cleverest, cleanest acts in comedy–was telling me a dick joke that made it hysterical. I laughed my ass off, long and hard.

The best part of the whole story was his reaction to my laughter. He was so happy that I laughed, I mean genuinely happy–his face lit up with absolute pure delight, like a child about to blow out birthday candles–so very happy that he hugged me tight and exclaimed, “You liked my joke!”

It was one of the sweetest moments of my life, witnessing such innocent happiness and being the cause of it. It still makes me smile, to this day.

I’ll close this blog with a prayer by Emo Philips: “Dear Lord, Please break the laws of the Universe for my convenience.”

Here’s you an emo dog:

A win-win way to get a free, signed book

How would you like an autographed copy of Lisa’s new novel, Be Careful What You Witch For! for your library collection? This first book in the series of the adventures of clueless and suddenly psychic Lola Garnett and her sarcastic fairy sidekick, Twink, is sure to become a collectible. A signed copy will be even more valuable!

Here’s how to get your copy: First, purchase the ebook version of the novel at a greatly discounted 50% off the paperback price. Don’t forget about the extra discount! Save 10% through March 31. Enter the coupon code IDES at the checkout.

Then, post a rave review on Amazon.com, your Facebook page, your Twitter list, etc.  In other words, spread the word to everyone you know. Send an email to lisa@lisabonnice.com with a link to any and all sites with reviews you’ve posted, along with your name and mailing address, and a signed copy of Be Careful What You Witch For! will be on its way to your mailbox!

Only 20 signed books are being offered at this time, so hurry and get yours, today!