I gave up New Year’s Resolutions a long time ago. This one just happens to coincide with the start of a New Year, so I might as well claim it as a “resolution” (although, doesn’t that automatically doom it to only last until February? Eeek!).
Anyway, it has come to my attention that one of my biggest personality defects, for lack of a better phrase, is that I voluntarily give my power away to the lowest bidder. As soon as anyone casts doubt on something I say or do, I instantly cave in and cry “Uncle!” even if I honestly felt that I was in the right before they said anything.
This isn’t news, really. I’ve always known that I do this, but I also thought that it was because I was wrong, after all! One of the things I’ve always liked about my personality is that I’m very willing to see both sides of a story and admit when I’m wrong. I am, naturally, a very fair person — TO OTHER PEOPLE! When I’m right, however, I rarely stand up for myself and say so. That’s the problem.
With Neale Donald Walsch, shortly after he offered, without even being asked, to write a foreword for my first book.
Even Neale Donald Walsch noticed this about me, when I had only known him a couple hours. He had just found a copy of my first book that day, and he volunteered to write a foreword for its second edition. That evening, he was raving about it to a crowd of about fifty people while I sat in the audience, ecstatic to hear someone of his professional stature saying such amazing things about my work. He announced before an entire room of my respected peers that he would do whatever he could to help me get the book seen, “…because she doesn’t even believe in her own work!” He could see better than I could my extreme fear of someone reading the book and disputing its veracity, even though I was very careful while writing it to make sure that couldn’t happen.
My fear of being proven wrong or laughed at because I made a mistake has kept me from succeeding, even when I know I’m right. I downplay my spiritual beliefs for fear of ridicule by friends and family members who are either atheists or believers of a standard religion’s doctrine, even though I KNOW how to tap into the power of the Universe and make it swirl into whatever I want it to be.
All these years, I was sort of proud of my ability to be so humble. The problem is, it hasn’t been humility, it’s been fear.
Over the last week, I’ve read a couple books that have given me a whole new way of looking at this issue: Will I Ever Be Good Enough? and Realms of the Earth Angels.
The first offers a “real-world” look at psychological reasons for this kind of behavior, which is called the Impostor Syndrome. BOY, did I relate to that!!!
The second offers a “New Age” look at spiritual reasons for this, and suggests that it might be caused by vows taken in past lives to stay quiet and not rock the boat, or draw attention to myself. That feels so true, so on the money, and I’m not even gonna apologize for resonating with this, even though last week I would have.
Talk about a double whammy! And just in time to claim my power back for a New Year! Look out, 2013, Lisa Bonnice finally believes in and claims her own power!
Here’s you a magical dog!