Help! I need hired help!

I desperately need/want to hire someone to clean my house. Here’s why I need/want but can’t/won’t.

I hate hate hate hate hate housework, so;
it doesn’t get done as often as it should, so;
my house would not pass the white glove or white sock test, and;
the worse it gets the worse it gets.

Add these facts:

a) I injured my lower back when I was young so, now that I’m old, it’s painful and difficult to clean anything below knee level (please don’t look at my baseboards or the lower parts of my kitchen appliances, or the lower tiles in the shower;
b) I work a lot of hours and don’t have a lot of time/energy for cleaning beyond basic dusting, vacuuming, dishes and bathroom;
c) Jeff isn’t any better at this than I am and contributes his fair share to the mess.

So, now:

I’m embarrassed to have anyone come to my house;
That includes a cleaning crew.

This doesn’t even scratch the surface of the mental gymnastics I put myself through when I consider researching the right service provider and making the call to schedule a visit.

Do I have to explain to them why the house is in this state? Are they going to judge me? How can they not?

I’m already uncomfortable having strangers in the house. How do I know I’m not bringing sketchy people into my home?

How much is this going to cost? What’s a fair price? Do I tip?

I work at home and it will be weird having people here cleaning while I’m here. It would be weirder to have them do it when I wasn’t here.

And let’s not even start with the feminist rage that goes along with being reared in a society where this was “woman’s work” even if she didn’t make the mess and she just so happens to detest this kind of work.

I was strictly raised to know that if a house isn’t spotless, it’s the woman’s fault and this is a great failing. Shame. Shame. Shame.

No, really. Shame.

Not kidding. Lots o’ shame.

Whoever comes to my house to clean will be right to judge the unholy f*ck out of me.

Because … you guessed it … shame.

Bad Lisa. Bad.

Shame.

Then of course, there’s the well known fact that I need to clean before the cleaners come and, since I can’t do that, I can’t make that call. It’s a vicious cycle, a downward spiral.

Please tell me it’s not just me and, if you’ve been in this boat, tell me how you got to shore.

Did I mention the pet hair everywhere? No? Well, here’s you a dog, to help clean that up.

Image Source – AugieDoggy.com

Lisa Bonnice is an award-winning, best-selling author whose “day job” is as a Program Host at The Shift Network, where she hosts summits on ancestral healing, life after death, and intuition and medicine.

Her most recent book is a metaphysical comedy novel entitled The Poppet Master (previously published as Be Careful What You Witch For!, now revamped and with a new ending). The Poppet Master is a modern-day fairy tale about Lola Garnett, a bored housewife and office drone who wakes up with unexpected psychic abilities, and no instruction manual, and Twink, the reluctant, sarcastic faery assigned to assist and educate her. The Poppet Master is available wherever books are sold. Its sequel is in the works.

Lisa is also writing The Maxwell Curse, a fictionalized version of a story she found in her own ancestral lineage about a witch trial, a generational curse, and massive mine explosion, all of which left ripples of destruction in their wake, devastating one family’s tree.